Submit
Question of the day: What is your favorite Thanksgiving food?
Good morning class. I am writing this lesson with great care and a bit of fear. I implore you to please read, study and pray, pray, pray that the Lord will personally guide you in your own understanding of this passage. Here is the deal....
As I listened to Pastor Ryan preach on this passage two weeks ago, I started to question my own life long held beliefs about what this passage is saying. This has caused all kinds of cognitive dissonance that has plagued me for the past two weeks. I have thought about ignoring my "new" thoughts or understanding of this passage and just teaching it the way I had always planned and thought I would. (That is the easy route) But, after listening to a podcast about the history of the Adventist Church I was convicted that our entire church is based on people struggling through the scriptures and being willing to debate and seeking understanding. In fact Seventh-day Adventist church before it became a "church" debated about whether or not they should even organize as a church because of the fear it would take away their ability to keep this spirit of seeking out truth. I am glad they did organize but I also know we must keep seeking for truth. I believe that we are still today supposed to do just that! I have the utmost respect for Ryan and will be sending this lesson to him ahead of teaching it on Sabbath. His insight in his sermon along with our study of this book of Ephesians together is what brought about this question for me. I still am very convicted that I need to present it as I see it now. Perhaps this is a warning. A warning that says, pray! Pray that God will give you the wisdom to discern and to disagree yet love and respect one another! I pray that our discussion, as we unpack this passage, will honor God as we study and struggle together.
After all that.... Let's dive in together!
READ: Ephesians 5:21-33
Instructions for Christian Households
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
There are a couple things that I want us to start off looking at. If you remember Ryan's sermon, he talked about how this was a passage that was quite shocking for the Ephesians. The parts that would cause indigestion was not the Wives submit to your husbands, but "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" and "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
As we have been studying and looking at this book, a pattern that we have seen is that Paul often makes a statement and then goes into more details to explain his statement.
Here is no different.
The statement: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
The rest of this passage and into the next chapter are the clarifying or detailed example or explanation of this statement.
If you look at the verse 22, "Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as to the Lord." you find something interesting. I wanted to know what the actual word for "submit" was and so I looked it up in the Lexicon and found submit is not even in the original text. NOW lest you think we ladies are off the hook, NO! In the early text it was clearly implied by the previous verse. What this DOES say, is that it IS an explanation or very much part of verse 21. If you read it without the submit... this is how it reads.
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, wives to your own husbands as to the Lord...." then a few verses later, "Husbands love your wives..."
This emphasizes the importance that these are connected to the central verse or over arching verse 21, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
When I look at this verse what I see is a three legged stool. submitting to one another and to Christ. Husband, wife, Christ.
verse 24: "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
We are going to address this passage, but I want us to continue on and then come back to this.
The next, section is about the husband.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless"
Having spent these many weeks studying the first part of Ephesians, what has Paul written about how Christ loved the church?
I want us to list them!
Get out your bibles and search.
Then as if that isn't enough Paul references Genesis 2:24
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”What is significant about this?
- This is referencing the beginning, the beautiful God established "perfect" marriage as our example for today, not a fallen version.
- The custom of the day was that the wife leaves her family but the husband does not leave his family. She gives it all up but he didn't have to. He still had all the wealth and comforts of his family. It was just the way of their day.
Then for this section he ties it up with this...
"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."The part that I have struggled with is suggesting that wives are asked to submit regardless of what their husbands are doing or not doing.
Here is why I struggle with it.
- I don't see anywhere in this passage where it says that this submission is a stand alone command to the wife.
- It does talk about submitting to one another.
- It does take us back to the garden of Eden which I KNOW must be our example for living. We are to strive to live as children of God, NEW creation, not the OLD broken creation. We are being given the IDEAL here.
- "This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church." Paul is acknowledging that this is a bit outlandish, but that is how our God works. He is outlandish. He has loved us extravagantly, and with reckless abandonment, and THAT is what we should be striving for. We don't need to tell women, they must submit regardless, which in a way ultimately let's guys off the hook. If the stool misses a leg then it doesn't stand. WE MUST present this as this crazy big beautiful puzzle, that needs ALL pieces for us to see the product desired by God.
- With Christ and the church, (Pauls analogy) we are called to submit in response to His great love for us! "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that who ever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." "While we were sinning, Christ died for us." He first loved us! We respond to HIS love.
- HOWEVER Ladies we are not off the hook either. We are called to submit and in verse 33 respect our husbands. Just as our response as a church to Christs great love isn't easy, neither is our calling to submit to our husbands. God calls us as a church to serve Him, to love Him.
- If you once again look at the analogy of Christ and the church, Christ loves, planned for, gave it all up for, regardless of our response. BUT the church responds. If you take that line thought through to the marriage relationship, it isn't the wife that submits regardless, it is the husband that loves regardless. DON't MISS UNDERSTAND. I am NOT saying that if a husband loves perfectly "as Christ love the church." that the wife will perfectly and beautifully submit. I am not saying this is a ALL ON THE MAN's shoulders kind of relationship. It isn't!!!! First of all if that were true than since Christ has loved us perfectly we will all respond perfectly and we will all be in the new earth! NO!!!!!
I realize there are lots of questions or scenarios that come to mind.
What is a woman to do if her husband isn't a believer.
What is a woman to do if her husband isn't loving her "as Christ love the church."
What if.........
What is a husband to do if his wife doesn't submit....
What is a husband to do if his wife doesn't respect....
If you say that a wife's submission is a response to His love for her then doesn't that put her in the place of judge and jury?
YIKES! We can't have that right? In verse 22, "Wives submit to your own husbands as you do to Christ."
Perhaps this is our greatest challenge ladies. I have always believed that the submission is ultimately to Christ therefore it doesn't matter what my husband is doing or not doing, I submit because I have been asked to by God, so end of story.
What if "as you do to Christ." means just that. Submit to my husband as I do to Christ. This is hard and messy for sure! If that is the case, here is how I submit to Christ. I struggle. How do you submit to Christ. In my relationship with Christ, I am constantly having to be discerning. Since I was a little girl, I struggled with KNOWING God's voice, with understanding His word, I have struggled with knowing how to follow Him, I have struggled (even this week) with discerning truth. Yet in the struggle I am always willing to submit fully, sometimes without full understanding sometimes waiting until I am sure it is His will for me. Sometimes it is with great conviction that I fully understand. Sometimes I have been told that I should submit to God on an issue, and after prayer and great struggle, I KNEW I was NOT to submit because that was NOT what God had in mind for me at ALL! If this is confusing, it is. I don't think this is a pretty tied up with a bow concept. It is complicated and messy. But, let me try to wrap this up. Ladies, I believe we must strive to keep from picking apart our husbands less than perfect attempts at loving us, however if our husbands abandon us or are unfaithful to us, we aren't expected to submit. If married to an unbeliever I would say, these are challenges that require discernment and lots of prayer. What I KNOW is that the way God intended this to be, is that both submit one to another. That both love and both respect. That both serve, that both, devote first their lives to God and perhaps that is what we need to focus on. When we are far from perfect, it makes this all challenging. but that is the challenge of the Christian walk isn't it. "I do what I don't want to do." We struggle in this life, and it is messy, so let's not put in "fixes" for the mess but acknowledge that this small passages doesn't cover all scenarios but instead is painting a beautiful picture that appears when all the pieces are together.
What we have read so far in Ephesians is this...
Our God planned for us, purses us, loves us, lavishes His grace on us, wants to do a mighty work in us, husbands do likewise. Pursue your wives, love her, lavish grace on her, clean her up (by always speaking highly of her and honoring her), be willing to give up everything for her, (if it as simple as a golf game, a ball game, or as challenging as a life long dream, or an addiction that has gripped your life.) Our response to God, is to love Him, follow Him, submit to Him, so wives do likewise. Love your husband, respect your husband (value his opinion, honor him as a father allowing him to parents in his way even when it is different from yours,) listen to him, (really listen). Submit, yes especially submit. Be willing to let go of control and wait as your husband is allowed the room to step up and lead. Women, respect your husbands by building them up. Make it your mission to find all the beautiful aspects of his character and let him know you see him. Affirm him and be his greatest fan!
Husbands and wives do this out of reverence for Christ. Do this because Christ your creator, who knows you inside and out understands, far better than we, what it is that will create a beautiful and complete picture.
I want to close with a verse from Ephesians 3:12
I grew up in a very "headship" theology home. In that home where I was told from the time I was very young that my role was to learn to submit. Ultimately God and eventually to my husband, but until then to my parents, the church and even to my brothers. Now, I am a stubborn, head strong woman, and at the time an even more so girl! I spent my entire childhood feeling very much like a stubborn filly that needed breaking. I loved God so much and really believed that to be the girl he needed me to be that I needed to be broken! I needed to find a way to quiet the stubborn, headstrong characteristics. Even when Chris and I were having our premarital counseling, one of the main themes was that my "test scores" said that I was way too stubborn and that if we were to have a happy marriage I needed to learn to quiet that part of me. I must learn submission. I so wanted to be a good wife! I so wanted not only to love and honor God, but to love and honor Chris, so I set out to do my best to shut down and quiet that part of me.
I realize many of you either reading or listening to this, will be thinking how great that was! That I saw and understood the defects that I needed to work on. Here is the deal.
I believed that this huge part of me, these characteristics that I was born with were exactly that defects. I was never measuring up, always needing to figure out how to be something and someone I wasn't created to be.
When watching Harriet Tubman movie recently I in a very small way could relate. I recognized some of the deep need to be free, that I felt as a child. It is why I didn't want to get married right away, because I wanted some grown up time to just be me.
So I marry Chris. I do my best to be the wife I believe I am supposed to be. But I soon realize I don't feel like the horse that needs to be broken, but I feel free. I find myself becoming more and more confident in my strength, and even my stubbornness. I find I'm not even thinking about submission. I'm responding to him, loving him, respecting him, wanting to do more to let him know how amazing he is, and on and on.
The girl in premarital counseling who really believed that the happiness of our home depended upon my ability to stamp down this strong willed woman, who was terrified and felt like the happiness of our home depended on my willingness to be broken, was gone!
This verse, "In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."
brought me to tears of joy about my marriage. I not only approach God with freedom and confidence, but my husband. I let him see and know and experience ME, all of me, stubborn me, head strong me, and he adores me! Because of his amazing love for me, his giving it all up for me kind of love he along with Christ turned this awful breaking that I expected and had experienced into a "coming to him with freedom and confidence." When submission is in response to this sacrificial love, it doesn't break someone it gives them freedom and confidence. I really believe that is the key.
Men, this is not hating on you, but hopefully expressing to you the opportunity that God has blessed you with. You have this incredible opportunity to love your wives in such a way that she comes to you with freedom and confidence. We are all adults here so I have to add this. Men, I pray you know the beauty of having a wife who in every way.... even in the bed room, approaches you with freedom and confidence!
I am passionate about this. I hope we can change the narrative a bit. I really believe that too often we spend so much time on the woman's role that we have missed the real amazing message here... (I'm afraid I have done the same thing today..) The amazing message here is that this relationship, the marriage relationship is to be as glorious as the relationship between God and the church. It is to be as mysterious, as amazing, as trans-formative!
I want to close with a verse from Ephesians 3:12
"In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."I was reading back through Ephesians this week as I worked on this lesson and this verse jumped out at me.
I grew up in a very "headship" theology home. In that home where I was told from the time I was very young that my role was to learn to submit. Ultimately God and eventually to my husband, but until then to my parents, the church and even to my brothers. Now, I am a stubborn, head strong woman, and at the time an even more so girl! I spent my entire childhood feeling very much like a stubborn filly that needed breaking. I loved God so much and really believed that to be the girl he needed me to be that I needed to be broken! I needed to find a way to quiet the stubborn, headstrong characteristics. Even when Chris and I were having our premarital counseling, one of the main themes was that my "test scores" said that I was way too stubborn and that if we were to have a happy marriage I needed to learn to quiet that part of me. I must learn submission. I so wanted to be a good wife! I so wanted not only to love and honor God, but to love and honor Chris, so I set out to do my best to shut down and quiet that part of me.
I realize many of you either reading or listening to this, will be thinking how great that was! That I saw and understood the defects that I needed to work on. Here is the deal.
I believed that this huge part of me, these characteristics that I was born with were exactly that defects. I was never measuring up, always needing to figure out how to be something and someone I wasn't created to be.
When watching Harriet Tubman movie recently I in a very small way could relate. I recognized some of the deep need to be free, that I felt as a child. It is why I didn't want to get married right away, because I wanted some grown up time to just be me.
So I marry Chris. I do my best to be the wife I believe I am supposed to be. But I soon realize I don't feel like the horse that needs to be broken, but I feel free. I find myself becoming more and more confident in my strength, and even my stubbornness. I find I'm not even thinking about submission. I'm responding to him, loving him, respecting him, wanting to do more to let him know how amazing he is, and on and on.
The girl in premarital counseling who really believed that the happiness of our home depended upon my ability to stamp down this strong willed woman, who was terrified and felt like the happiness of our home depended on my willingness to be broken, was gone!
This verse, "In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."
brought me to tears of joy about my marriage. I not only approach God with freedom and confidence, but my husband. I let him see and know and experience ME, all of me, stubborn me, head strong me, and he adores me! Because of his amazing love for me, his giving it all up for me kind of love he along with Christ turned this awful breaking that I expected and had experienced into a "coming to him with freedom and confidence." When submission is in response to this sacrificial love, it doesn't break someone it gives them freedom and confidence. I really believe that is the key.
Men, this is not hating on you, but hopefully expressing to you the opportunity that God has blessed you with. You have this incredible opportunity to love your wives in such a way that she comes to you with freedom and confidence. We are all adults here so I have to add this. Men, I pray you know the beauty of having a wife who in every way.... even in the bed room, approaches you with freedom and confidence!
I am passionate about this. I hope we can change the narrative a bit. I really believe that too often we spend so much time on the woman's role that we have missed the real amazing message here... (I'm afraid I have done the same thing today..) The amazing message here is that this relationship, the marriage relationship is to be as glorious as the relationship between God and the church. It is to be as mysterious, as amazing, as trans-formative!
I realize this lesson is void of questions. If we didn't have time to have the discussion that is so valued to us, I promise we will make room for discussion about this lesson, next week. Next week is still very much connected to this weeks lesson, so it will work well.
Please take time this week to pray about this, and to study it, and read about it. I may be completely wrong and I look forward to debate or struggle as we unpack it.
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